|When I trusted my body to be there|
for me, without thinking about it.
Just sittin here whiling away the time. Feeling awful physically and sitting in bed. Amusing myself writing on my phone.
Health, I miss you. Body, I promise to be good to you from now on. Self, I love you. I cherish every body function. I will be good to you all from here on out. Befriend me and make a partnership with me. Let me rely on you from here on out to perform effortlessly like you used to. Oh those days when I trusted you infinitely to be there for me.
Energy, you always used to be there for me. What can I say or do to get in your good graces again? I want us to be friends again. We are meant to be one, not fragmented and cut off like we are now. I wait for you in the morning when I wake and you aren't always there. I lay hollow and lifeless without you and you don't come to me. Where do you go when I need you? Sometimes you are there when I wake, but suddenly you leave. Where do you go and why do you leave me? What can I do to make you stay? We belong together. What can I do to help you see this? Why won't you stay with me always? Don't you remember the fun we used to have? Admit it, you enjoyed being with me all the time. Oh. No. No, I know what you are talking about. I was asleep then. True, that's no excuse. I am sorry. I guess you had to go to wake me up. Yes, thank you. I'm awake. You are safe with me now. Together, we will be better than we ever were before. I promise you! You know I speak the truth.
Digestion, what happened to us? We were once such a perfect pair. Like melody and harmony, effortlessly. Now you resist my attempts to nourish you, and you fight, grumble and resist each step of the way. Why? What have I done? I am sorry for it. What can I say to make it up to you? What can set us right again? We belong together as a team, you and I. This resistance and fighting is getting us nowhere. Oh, it's getting us somewhere? What? No, I know about that. I remember those days. But did you have to shut down for me to remember? Wasn't there an easier way? What, you think I wouldn't have listened otherwise? You know why I acted as I did, right? I didn't know any better. I was asleep. Why thank you! I know you don't judge me for it. Have we worked this out? Are we good now? I beg of you, tell me all I must do so we can be on the same page again, working as one. I am listening.
Calmness of body and mind, why have you deserted me? Why are you so elusive, so fickle minded, so difficult to capture? Remember we were once partners, in perfect step with each other? What have I done to make you run? What have I said or did to hurt you? Why must you desert me again and again? Why can't you just stay with me like you used to? I miss you. We were good together. Don't you miss me? What must I do to change so you come back to me? I will do whatever it takes. Speak to me and tell me directly. Let's finish this and get back to how we used to be. I promise I will not hurt you again. I am a safe place, and you don't need to run. If I'm lying to you now, I wouldn't know but obviously you would. So tell me, what am I doing or not doing that makes you run away? How am I botching this up? Oh, I told you to run? What? I told you to leave me? What? And you listened? You always listen. Of course. Now how can I have no recollection of telling you to go? Oh, of course. How can I tell you it's OK to come back? Oh, you are not me and you can't tell me. You say I have to figure it out for myself, eh? Listen, I'm going to figure it out. You belong with me, of that I am certain. We will be one again soon. Oh, you look forward to it? Me too! I'm glad you didn't leave of your own volition. I'll figure out a way so you will be comfortable enough to come back.
Body, I miss you! We were so good together! The memories I have of us together! Wait for me and don't give up. We are fragmented from each other right now. Sometimes you are with me supporting me beautifully and sometimes you give out on me, you go somewhere else when I need you. Yes, I'm having a hard time with this. Yes, this is difficult for me. My soul is wrankled without you, and I feel fractured and cut off. I don't know how to operate without you. Please come back to me. Let's just get along like we used to. Give me a clue, speak to me, tell me what we can do so that we are one again. I'm listening.